Selfish?

I float back and forth between
Anger, and pity.

It leaves me confused, frustrated, and sad.

I try not to be mad, and try to understand why, but you have given me nothing.

If officially I knew, then I could ask.
But would you tell me?
Or would you blame me?
Am I the reason?
Or is there more to the story?

Every time I think about it, I start out mad at you.
Why did you do it?

From my side it almost seems selfish, but there has to be more to it.
Right?

I wanted things to slow down, not speed up.
Your actions have done just that to me. The have sped everything up.
I'm going so fast I don't know how long I can last.

I want to scream.

?

Two jobs
One me.

Three classes
One me.

New job
Same me.

New School
Me scared.

Two old friends
One me.

Two places to be
Still one me.

Where I wanna be

Is that where I'll be?

Is it where You want me to be?

WOW

Oh goodness!

how can the words
"would like to inform you that you have been accepted"
cause so much chaos?

they make a grade mean something,
they make it necessary to pass,
not only pass but graduate.

they bring joy,
and confusion,
and fear.

fear that had been overcome six years ago rushes back

but they also mean growth,
and stretching,
and finding hidden strength.

Astrology = Confusion

I've recognized some things that I don't agree with

The main issue is that I don't understand (more confusion :( hmm )

Why?

Why are people so intrigued with the stars?
The stars themselves alone are harmless.
They are beautiful, and dazzling, and majestic, and just awesome.

But that's not what I'm talking about.
Why do people try to find meaning behind the stars?
Like Astrology.

...

If God is the Only one who can create something.
And Satan, and man are the ones who take His creations and turn them around inside-out and backwards making them dark, evil, and perverted.
Then what is the original good in astrology?

Or is there any? Or is astrology, the twisted look at the stars?

Why do people look for something in the wrong places?

Life

Life has taken a hold of me.

now is the time to decide whether to let it control me or me control it.

if I let Life take the lead, who knows where I will be.

if I take lead, I must also let go of it, and let God take it, all in one breath.

either way I don't know where I will be, but if I take it, and give it to God, I will know that wherever I am is where I'm supposed to be.

there is a strange security in being "lost" in God.

New Year

At work on Dec. 31, 2009 a strange costumer asked

"Are you excited about the new year?" or something like that

I told him I was

"Why? It's just another year, it's going to be the same."

All I had time to say was "But something new happens every year."

So the New Year I begin with expectations of new and exciting things
with the hope and prayer of great things

Question

I was posed this question today:

"How do you trust God with everything?" Especially when everything is going great, no hard times pushing you towards Him

I want to say by letting go of everything and letting Him have it,
But I've often asked myself (specially when I'm having trouble trusting) ):

How do you let go?

It's not as easy as if you were holding a ball and told your hand to release it, or is it?

The things that I normally have trouble trusting Him with aren't tangible things, but rather situations, or outcomes or decisions that need to be made.

These are more like thoughts, and thoughts are really hard to "let go" of, this is were the Enemy knows he can get to you (me), and twist things so many ways you don't know what you started with any more.

Knowing this puts me on guard of my thoughts. Watching myself when I feel confused, and muddled.

But seriously how do you let go and draw near to Him and Love Him and want Him when everything is going so easy?

I suppose if nothing else the struggle turns into a lesson that can be shared with others.