2 years later

I logged in to write about something I've been learning and doing better at lately. I reread the last posting from August 2011 nearly two years ago, and found that it's topic was the same as I wanted to write about today.

Trust.

Trusting when things are going well or easy isn't hard to do. Trusting becomes hard when things are no longer in your control, when they aren't going so well and easy.

The last time I wrote was one of those times when I was no longer in control. I had not passed a semester in nursing school and was being set back to do it over again. At that time it was hard for me to trust His plan. I was angry with myself for letting my grades get away from me. I was scared that maybe I had misunderstood what He wanted me to do with my life. And I was tired, I was tired of studying, I was tired of being in school, and I was tired of being away from my family and friends.

Well the last two years turned out to be amazing and exactly what I needed. There was a lot of bad mixed in but there was so much good that my life has been changed for forever.

On the school front I finished Nursing school and am one week away from boards!
I forgave myself for messing up and found that even though I had messed up, I was still right exactly where I needed to be! There are so many things this last year alone that I would have missed out on had I done things according to plan. I am so glad that I did not miss out on them. I have been so blessed!

I learned, through many wonderful experiences, kind words from friends, observations from professors, and my own heart hearing God, that nursing is exactly what I am supposed to be doing when I grow up (which is rather soon).

The current thing I am trusting God for is perfect timing, and finding the perfect job for me! I haven't started looking, even though half my class already have jobs. Two months ago I would have told you I was getting nervous that I hadn't started looking, and that I needed to find something. But that was just the pressure of everyone else's time line pushing on mine. I decided that I was going to Let Go and Let God, because I'm doing it For Him, With Him! Also because when the job is open and the time is right I will get the job that is meant for me. So why rush it? right now it is more important to study for boards and to trust God to do His thing! It's hard, but if my past shows me anything at all it's that it is so totally trusting and worth letting God take control and show me what he wants for my life!

All Over Again

You would think after four years, especially last year, this would be
Easy, OK, Nervousnessless, (yes I just made that up),
but some how it's not.

it's not Easy because it means another nine months away from my people (lol cheesy I know)
it's not OK because it means starting over again, in a smaller way but still over again,
and it's not Nervousnessless because I still hate talking to "strangers" on the phone, even if we will be living together for the next nine months; it's the same school but a lot of the people I knew graduated; and I won't be with the nursing family I started with, I get a new one of those too.

But you know, we have this reoccurring theme, you and I, don't we, lol.

Comfort zones.

I make them, I set my boundaries, and I usually don't cross them because I want too.
You Love making me step out and do those things on the other side of my "Safe" bubble.
My Bubble, like my world, is always small.

One thing I always seems to be relearning is, Trust.
Trust that you won't drop me,
Trust that you won't make me do something I'm not strong enough for,
Trust that you will provide,
Trust that You are always with me holding me in a new, better, Safer place then where I was on my own.

I'm sorry I'm so stubborn and can't learn the first time, and am always needing reminders.

Maybe this year it will stick.
I sure want it to.

Something

There is always something that if given the chance will crush your joy, passion, and hopes, steal your time or just leave you exhausted and in need of reprise.

A simple smile from a child,
A good conversation with your best friend,
A chocolate chip cookie,
A quick prayer of whatever virtue you are in need of at the time and thanksgiving,
are all you need to push this something aside.

He has given me joy, and passion, and hopes,
He has helped me keep my time for Him and myself,
and He has given me energy and reprise when I most needed and didn't expect it.

I have faith that all of these somethings that are being giant road blocks will, in the very near future, turn into beautiful rolling, wildflower covered hills, with the most amazing sky of clouds ever seen.

A Renewed Joy

I have had it in my head that I have to finish school to do the work God has called me to do.

Nursing.

But you see He told me last night that I've been doing it my whole life already. I didn't have to go to school for it, I just had to listen to Him with my Heart and do what He tells me.

The kind of nursing that I'm talking about is not the nursing of the physical body, but that of the spiritual and emotional body.

He has given me a heart of empathy, and it's really hard not to use it. *"It's part of my being in much the same way that a muscle is a part of my body." It's near impossible to ignore it.

He has given me new joy and passion for the calling He has given me

and I am so Excited!

So Excited I feel shaky, I can't wait to begin again.

* Esther Hoffman

My move

I am consumed by these, these things . . . called feelings.

They guide me.

They keep me warm and fuzzy on the inside.

They keep me safe.

They help me to understand.

And Confuse me beyond all belief.

My heart aches for you,

at the strangest times,

only sometimes,

and yet all the time.

Now, Yesterday, and I'm sure Forever!

I can't escape them, they are around every bend in the road,

and corner in the wall.

Just waiting,

waiting for me to move.

To move into you,

or be lost.

Either way it is a

Forever situation.

He is.

God is in Complete control.

That's the way it is, and the way it will forever be.

School

School has started

everything is different this year,
teachers,
classes,
friends,
study corners,
job,
room.

Moving to campus was exciting
and a tad frightening.

It's been good, but weird.

Good because my mod mates were all almost instant friends,
Weird because I have not had a room mate since I was

12.

The Teachers are so nice I think it's been a few years since I had teachers so nice.
The Classes are hard but that's a good thing right?
The Friends are few but good and growing.
Good Study corners for me have yet to be discovered, but not far in the future.
The Job isn't bad, just not my future.
And the Room, not that big, but comfortable, and shared.

All in all


School is where I'm supposed to be.

Thank you for for showing that to me.