All Over Again

You would think after four years, especially last year, this would be
Easy, OK, Nervousnessless, (yes I just made that up),
but some how it's not.

it's not Easy because it means another nine months away from my people (lol cheesy I know)
it's not OK because it means starting over again, in a smaller way but still over again,
and it's not Nervousnessless because I still hate talking to "strangers" on the phone, even if we will be living together for the next nine months; it's the same school but a lot of the people I knew graduated; and I won't be with the nursing family I started with, I get a new one of those too.

But you know, we have this reoccurring theme, you and I, don't we, lol.

Comfort zones.

I make them, I set my boundaries, and I usually don't cross them because I want too.
You Love making me step out and do those things on the other side of my "Safe" bubble.
My Bubble, like my world, is always small.

One thing I always seems to be relearning is, Trust.
Trust that you won't drop me,
Trust that you won't make me do something I'm not strong enough for,
Trust that you will provide,
Trust that You are always with me holding me in a new, better, Safer place then where I was on my own.

I'm sorry I'm so stubborn and can't learn the first time, and am always needing reminders.

Maybe this year it will stick.
I sure want it to.

Something

There is always something that if given the chance will crush your joy, passion, and hopes, steal your time or just leave you exhausted and in need of reprise.

A simple smile from a child,
A good conversation with your best friend,
A chocolate chip cookie,
A quick prayer of whatever virtue you are in need of at the time and thanksgiving,
are all you need to push this something aside.

He has given me joy, and passion, and hopes,
He has helped me keep my time for Him and myself,
and He has given me energy and reprise when I most needed and didn't expect it.

I have faith that all of these somethings that are being giant road blocks will, in the very near future, turn into beautiful rolling, wildflower covered hills, with the most amazing sky of clouds ever seen.

A Renewed Joy

I have had it in my head that I have to finish school to do the work God has called me to do.

Nursing.

But you see He told me last night that I've been doing it my whole life already. I didn't have to go to school for it, I just had to listen to Him with my Heart and do what He tells me.

The kind of nursing that I'm talking about is not the nursing of the physical body, but that of the spiritual and emotional body.

He has given me a heart of empathy, and it's really hard not to use it. *"It's part of my being in much the same way that a muscle is a part of my body." It's near impossible to ignore it.

He has given me new joy and passion for the calling He has given me

and I am so Excited!

So Excited I feel shaky, I can't wait to begin again.

* Esther Hoffman

My move

I am consumed by these, these things . . . called feelings.

They guide me.

They keep me warm and fuzzy on the inside.

They keep me safe.

They help me to understand.

And Confuse me beyond all belief.

My heart aches for you,

at the strangest times,

only sometimes,

and yet all the time.

Now, Yesterday, and I'm sure Forever!

I can't escape them, they are around every bend in the road,

and corner in the wall.

Just waiting,

waiting for me to move.

To move into you,

or be lost.

Either way it is a

Forever situation.