He is.

God is in Complete control.

That's the way it is, and the way it will forever be.

School

School has started

everything is different this year,
teachers,
classes,
friends,
study corners,
job,
room.

Moving to campus was exciting
and a tad frightening.

It's been good, but weird.

Good because my mod mates were all almost instant friends,
Weird because I have not had a room mate since I was

12.

The Teachers are so nice I think it's been a few years since I had teachers so nice.
The Classes are hard but that's a good thing right?
The Friends are few but good and growing.
Good Study corners for me have yet to be discovered, but not far in the future.
The Job isn't bad, just not my future.
And the Room, not that big, but comfortable, and shared.

All in all


School is where I'm supposed to be.

Thank you for for showing that to me.

Crash

have you ever gone so fast for so long that there is nothing left?

do you know what it's like to be so exhausted that all you want to do is cry?

i'm sure you do.

or how about that feeling that you have let someone down because you were so exhausted you didn't realize you weren't keeping up? or that your current best isn't good enough, and not anywhere close to what it was.

this isn't a pity party, i'm just saying how i feel.

and how i feel is that i'm about to crash like right on the edge so close to the breaking point that i can almost taste the tears

and there's nothing i can do about it

Selfish?

I float back and forth between
Anger, and pity.

It leaves me confused, frustrated, and sad.

I try not to be mad, and try to understand why, but you have given me nothing.

If officially I knew, then I could ask.
But would you tell me?
Or would you blame me?
Am I the reason?
Or is there more to the story?

Every time I think about it, I start out mad at you.
Why did you do it?

From my side it almost seems selfish, but there has to be more to it.
Right?

I wanted things to slow down, not speed up.
Your actions have done just that to me. The have sped everything up.
I'm going so fast I don't know how long I can last.

I want to scream.

?

Two jobs
One me.

Three classes
One me.

New job
Same me.

New School
Me scared.

Two old friends
One me.

Two places to be
Still one me.

Where I wanna be

Is that where I'll be?

Is it where You want me to be?

WOW

Oh goodness!

how can the words
"would like to inform you that you have been accepted"
cause so much chaos?

they make a grade mean something,
they make it necessary to pass,
not only pass but graduate.

they bring joy,
and confusion,
and fear.

fear that had been overcome six years ago rushes back

but they also mean growth,
and stretching,
and finding hidden strength.

Astrology = Confusion

I've recognized some things that I don't agree with

The main issue is that I don't understand (more confusion :( hmm )

Why?

Why are people so intrigued with the stars?
The stars themselves alone are harmless.
They are beautiful, and dazzling, and majestic, and just awesome.

But that's not what I'm talking about.
Why do people try to find meaning behind the stars?
Like Astrology.

...

If God is the Only one who can create something.
And Satan, and man are the ones who take His creations and turn them around inside-out and backwards making them dark, evil, and perverted.
Then what is the original good in astrology?

Or is there any? Or is astrology, the twisted look at the stars?

Why do people look for something in the wrong places?

Life

Life has taken a hold of me.

now is the time to decide whether to let it control me or me control it.

if I let Life take the lead, who knows where I will be.

if I take lead, I must also let go of it, and let God take it, all in one breath.

either way I don't know where I will be, but if I take it, and give it to God, I will know that wherever I am is where I'm supposed to be.

there is a strange security in being "lost" in God.

New Year

At work on Dec. 31, 2009 a strange costumer asked

"Are you excited about the new year?" or something like that

I told him I was

"Why? It's just another year, it's going to be the same."

All I had time to say was "But something new happens every year."

So the New Year I begin with expectations of new and exciting things
with the hope and prayer of great things